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I have this idea for an IRL group where we do new things none of us have done before, and compete at it. Because I’m craving fun and laughter and for things to not feel so serious. And competing when it’s not high stakes is just silly and delightful.
(If you are in the Bay Area and want to co-create this, ping me. Let’s make this happen.)
Why am I thinking about this today? Well, yesterday was rough. It was a migraine day, likely brought on my hormones, but exacerbated by the pressure I’m putting on myself right now. We’ve moved to the Bay Area, and I want to make community happen for myself FAST. And not just community, but the RIGHT community, whatever that means. (Yick. Gross to admit, right?) And when those feelings of urgency and scarcity appear, it really hijacks one’s nervous system. So yesterday, I was in a freeze response in a big way.
I no longer regard a day like yesterday as bad, or like something to be fixed. It really sucks and is painful. (And if it’s happening often, then it’s important to seek help. I’ve been there too.) But as long as it’s not happening often, a dark day of the soul can be illuminating. The self-coaching I am now giving myself, as a result of the last 24 hours, in case it’s helpful to you:
When pressure and urgency are present, more fun is needed. Pressure and urgency create fearful, shitty ideas. Fun, laughter, awe and wonder, curiosity arising from boredom — that’s where the best ideas come from. So, Imma get myself some more fun.
Reminder to self: thoughts are not facts. You know when you’re sick, and you feel terrible, and you have snot coming out of your nose? You don’t make a bunch of meaning out of the snot, right? Well, thoughts are just like snot. On a particularly hard day, we don’t need to make a bunch of meaning out of our dark thoughts.
Daily Substack posts are hard. I don’t want to send you drivel, and I’m not using AI for any of this because the whole point is to work through my own thoughts and desires. So, writing to you takes time, and time scarcity can easily create pressure.
I’m a multi-hyphenate. And I can be impressionable. When you put those two things together, it results in many “I could totally do that” moments. You know, like the moment when you see a painting and you think, “I could totally paint that.” Well, about a week ago, I watched Mel Robbins’ old TedX talk that went viral and read her book, Let Them. And I absolutely had an “I could totally write something like this" moment. That moment attached itself strongly to my brain like a mollusk, and yesterday shook it loose.
I mean, I absolutely could write a book like Let Them, which communicates a simple and important (but not easy) principle to a wide audience. But I don’t want to be Mel. I don’t want to travel around speaking, and I don’t want a media company. I want to keep coaching fascinating people, deeply. I’ve watched my clients create breakthroughs in their lives and work over seven years now. It’s awesome, and it’s still what I want to do. So I want the book I write to take me even further into that direction.
Reminder to self: entrepreneurship is hard, and because we’re a capitalist society, founders are forming our present and future. That’s a big part of why I work with impact-driven entrepreneurs. It’s super important for them to build their mental strength, to avoid burnout, and above all, to follow their instincts, rather than being swayed by people with perceived power — because we need the ones building good things to win.
So I’ve broken through to a new level of clarity on the book direction: I do, in fact, want to focus it on founders. I want to write the little book I could have used as a founder to keep my head screwed on straight, and that I will want to hand to VCs for their portfolio founders, because I know it’ll make a big difference for them. Something like: Mental Strength for Founders. I don’t think that book exists in the way it should, and it’s what I’ve been doing for years. So why not go the obvious route and write it.
Let me know if any of this resonated for you. Thanks for reading.
Love,
Kathleen